I'm continuing with this series, and today is about 'Coming Unglued'. Now, I know what you're thinking…a red-headed, Sicilian, there's no way she comes unglued. I like to refer to it as getting passionate or becoming a bit feisty, but whatever it is, it's a complete loss of control and patience.
Now, I've read Lysa TerKeurst's Unglued where she describes 4 types of people in two categories: "stuffers" and "exploders". I am an exploder. Now, being an exploder means that I
get fired up come unglued quite often.
Now, the bible speaks a lot about being slow to anger, wise with our words, and rejoicing always. In an effort to keep the peace, I tried to find the source of my frustrations. Sometimes, it's a lack of patience, but most times it's insecurity.
When I'm losing patience because Eloise is crying, or I'm stuck in traffic, or something isn't working the way I want it to, I attempt to stop, breathe, and focus on what really matters.
But then there are times when I get
angry super passionate. My hearts starts to race, tears begin to well up, and my voice gets louder and my language gets poorer. Unfortunately, my husband knows this all too well. It is my biggest flaw. Paul jokes that it's "not very becoming of a lady to use words like that" whoops! I used to think it was just something that happens. That I couldn't control it. I prayed, "Please, let me not be like this. Why does stuff bother me so much?" I finally got down to the route of the issue, it was because I was insecure. These things bother me because I'm not confident in my own self, my own decisions, my relationships, my possessions, etc. Once, I determined this, I focused more on what I needed in those moments. More specifically, what I needed from my spouse. It's hardest on him, when I come unglued, because 90% he's who I'm venting to.
I'm sharing this because I have learned a simple trick that helps me and I wanted to share it with you and hope that it helps you too. Words of Affirmation and Touch. Seems so simple right, but when coming from the right person at the right moment it can do wonders. Let your partner, best friend, mom, whoever, know that you need this from them at those times. When he can see me getting worked up, Paul will now, come to me, put his hands on my shoulders, look me in the eyes, and say to me, "I love you. You are beautiful. You are an amazing mother and an amazing wife. I'm sorry they hurt you. I'm sorry that that happened, etc.", and then he'll embrace me. It may seem scripted, but it works. It allows me to stop, breathe, and become secure in his embrace.
Don't be fooled. It took us a long time to get there. Us women, we have struggles. The biggest encouragement I want to leave you with, and the whole point of this series is that we are not alone. This are not just our struggles. All of our relationships become involved when we come unglued. So involve others in a positive way. Try to find the route of the struggle, whether it's a lack of patience, or a lack of confidence. Find what it is you need in that moment. It may be an extra hand, it may be a kind word, it may be a loving embrace. Whatever it is, be direct and tell your partner that you need them to…[insert need here]. They will be so encouraged that they can help you in this way, and you will be so encouraged when your unglued moments become shorter and less often.